


A Thousand Years

by fatelessfalling



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-01-11 21:06:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatelessfalling/pseuds/fatelessfalling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles inspired by roleplays between myself and my partner on Tumblr revolving around Historia and Ymir getting married and having lots of children accidentally. Please read the AN for the entire backstory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Here Tonight;

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody! For those who aren't familiar with the name, I go by findingmyownhonor on tumblr, I'm a Historia Reiss roleplayer. Each one of these drabbles are based off a series of threads done by myself and my partner, inlesbianswithistoria. In the threads, it is an AU with all major characters still alive and walking around. Ymir is intersex. This is a personal headcanon between us and this is how all the children are biological. Just wanted to give a little heads up. If something needs to be explained, I'll post it in an AN before the story.
> 
> Just to keep things simple, Ymir took Historia's last name when they got married. They have nine biological kids kids: Runa, Christa, Amir, Amora, Elisavet, Vivianne, Trinity, Hiero, and Soren. They adopted one girl, named Johanna, around the age of Amora and Elisavet. In that order. Amir and Soren are the only boys.
> 
> As time goes on, I'll add more drabbles. Most of them will be Yumikuri, but if anyone wants, I'll also post things of just the children.
> 
> As always, criticism is welcomed, hate is not! Please enjoy!

“Momma… Momma!” A soft, muffled cry pulled the blonde out of her sleep, slowly stretching herself from the curled position she had taken. Historia could hear Ymir’s snoring from the other side of the bed along with the sounds of rain falling, the thunder rolling in the distance. “Momma!” The cry came again, pulling her out of the warmth of the bed. 

When their eldest had been born, everyone had thought that because Runa was the splitting image of Ymir, she would have the tough exterior as well. Yet, in the middle of the little bed, the young girl clutched the stuffed rabbit to her chest, tears coming from her amber eyes and hiccups racking her small body.

Historia glanced over at Christa, fast asleep in her crib. _So much like her Papa._ She thought, moving to sit on the bed next to Runa and pulling the small child into her lap. “What’s wrong, little one?” She asked, watching as the dark haired child clutched the cloth of her mother’s night shirt for dear life when a bolt of lightning lit up the small room and another choked sob escaped her lips. 

With the storm season in its beginning weeks, the scenario before her had become more and more frequent. The mother hated that Runa had inherited her fear of thunderstorms and it pained her to see her child so frightened. Pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her eldest daughter’s head as she slid across the bed to prop herself against the wall. Runa sat across Historia’s lap, tucking her head into her shoulder. 

“Momma… will you sing again?” Runa sniffed, jumping as lightning cracked again outside the bedroom window. 

A small smile spread across the young mother’s face, rubbing her across the little girl’s back to soothe her. “Eventually, you will be able to sing it to me and Papa if I keep singing it to you every night.” She chuckled, getting a small laugh out of her child in return. “Can you hum it with me?” Historia asked, feeling Runa’s small head nod in agreement. “That’s my big girl.” She praised her quietly; waiting for her to start humming, tapping out the beat on Runa’s lower back to keep them both on beat.

The mother took a deep breath, shutting her eyes to focus on the child in her arms and the song in her mind.

“ _Little child, be not afraid, though rain pounds harshly against the glass, like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger. I am here tonight. Little child, be not afraid. Though thunder explodes and lightning flash, illuminates your tear-stained face; I am here tonight._ ”

_And someday you'll know that nature is so, the same rain that draws you near me falls on rivers and land, on forests and sand, makes the beautiful world that you'll see, in the morning._ ” She felt little Runa’s hands start to relax from the grip in her shirt, the trembles of her terror easing away the longer she sang despite the storm picking up outside.

“ _Little child, be not afraid, though storm clouds mask your beloved moon and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams, I am here tonight._ ” She brushed a gentle kiss across the top of Runa’s head, opting to returning to rub her back rather than tapping out the beat.

“ _Little child, be not afraid, though wind makes creatures of our trees and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand? And I am here tonight…_ ” Historia trailed off, opening her eyes once she felt someone staring at her from the doorway. A mirrored amber gaze brought an adoring smile to her face, giving their daughter a soft squeeze.

“ _For you know, once even I was a little child, and I was afraid but a gentle someone always came, to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears and to give a kiss goodnight._ ” Historia smiled to Ymir, not entirely sure if her wife could see her in the darkened room. The blonde heard Runa yawn and the humming had stopped, exhausted from her crying and the fear that had taken her so suddenly. Her warm little body expelled slow, even breaths against Historia’s neck. The child didn’t even stir when Ymir sat on the other side of them, falling back on her daughter’s pillow and stretching her legs over Historia’s. 

“ _And I hope that you'll know... Everything's fine in the morning, the rain'll be gone in the morning, but I'll still be here in the morning._ ” The mother murmured, pulling the blanket out from under Ymir’s butt to cover the child and herself before reaching for Ymir’s hand in the dark, listening to her family as they slept peacefully despite the raging storm outside that always seemed to bring them together.


	2. Just Another Fairy Tale;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the night before the Spring expedition outside the walls and the Reiss family holds true to their tradition of a long night of bed time stories and cuddles in front of the fireplace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written in order to make my RP partner cry. So be warned. TW: death of a child.

It was the nights before expeditions that were the hardest on the Reiss family. The idea that they might not see one another again made everything nearly everything more painful, more real than they liked to admit. Each hug of their children just a little tighter, each kiss lingered a little longer.

Fed and bathed, the small family gathered before the fireplace within their home, bundled in blankets and stacked upon pillows. “It’s an expedition night! That means it’s another part of the story, right Papa?” Runa said gleefully. 

It was both daughters favorite part of the night. Historia and Ymir would let the girls stay up an hour or two longer and fill the time with beautifully crafted stories, filled to the brim with terrifying monsters and heroic acts that Runa and Christa would reenact with their friends.

The blonde waited for Ymir to get comfortable before she found herself a spot lying beside her with Christa lying atop of her. Runa nestled herself between both parent’s sets of legs, too excited to lie still for very long. “Momma, do you ‘member where you left off?” Christa asked, reaching for Ymir’s hand so she could hold it like she was holding her mother’s. 

“Mhmm, Lena was battling the fearsome ogre in the dungeons while Princess Raine was outsmarting—“

Runa squealed, “She was outsmarting the King’s guards!”

Ymir laughed, cupping a hand over her oldest daughter’s mouth and pulling her into her lap. “Y’going to listen or tell the story yourself?” She teased, earning a non-threatening glare from Runa. “I dunno what’s gonna happen! How am I suppose’ta tell it!” Runa challenged, wiggling around to get into a better position. “Quit wiggling, you have your mother’s bony butt.” Ymir plucked the girl from her lap, putting a pillow down for her daughter to sit on.

Historia rolled her eyes, smoothing a hand through Christa’s hair. “Are you both quite finished?”

A chorus of ‘yes, momma’s and ‘whatever’ answered her question.

Folding an arm beneath her head, Historia shut her eyes, trying to fully recall where they left off in the story while Ymir continued to playfully poke and pinch Runa and Christa to get them riled up. “Okay, okay, I’ve got it.”

Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes again and started to spin the finale to their fairy tale. “As Lena turned to avoid the ogre’s slashing claws, her heavy armor adding weight to her kicks, she swept the loathsome creature on to its back and withdrew her sword.” Ymir crashed her hands together, making the sound of the creature hitting the floor as Runa leaned forward in her father’s lap, hanging on every word. “The beautiful knight plunged the sword into the creature’s chest, piercing its heart and leaving her free to escape to the aid of her Princess.”

Historia nudged Ymir with her knee, letting her know it was her turn to take over. “While the knight battled deep within the belly of the castle, Princess Raine stood atop the highest tower, surrounded by the King’s best guards in front of her and the rocky ocean cliff to her back. ‘The King cannot keep me from living my life!’ She yelled, watching as the soldier’s encroached—“

“What does encroached mean, Papa?”  
“Moved in on.”  
“Thank you, Papa.”

“—Encroached on her perch, her mind trying to work out her best angle. She could jump to her death, and be forever free from her father’s clutches, or she could stay and fight, waiting for her knight in shining armor to save her.” Historia raised an eyebrow at the thought, wondering where Ymir was taking the story. They had never discussed how the stories they told would go, since they liked to play off one another and improvise, but this was taking a rather dark turn for two young children.

Ignoring her wife’s concerned look, Ymir continued. “Raine looked over her shoulder, spotting a familiar face in the tower across from her—the knight had taken the wrong staircase, and left her with little choice as the guards approached her. Lena looked on in terror as Princess Raine leapt from her tower, plummeting down and out of the view of the guards.”

Runa gasped, craning her neck back to look at Ymir as Christa wiped her eyes of the tears that were forming, trying to keep her tough-girl-persona. Historia simply looked at Ymir in disbelief that she had really done that. Keeping her face impassive, the woman, wrapped her arms around her eldest daughter’s body. 

“Lena raced down from the tower, pushing anyone who dared get into her way to get to her fallen Princess. The knight slowed as she rounded the corner to the rocky shore, her eyes falling on the dark haired princess that she loved. A trail of blood dripped from her forehead, and her shoulder twisted in the wrong direction—but her chest still moved with breath. Raine was alive.” Historia let out a pent up breath and Runa sighed, hitting her father’s hand. Christa shut her eyes again, trying to paint a mental picture of everything going on.

Ymir gave Historia’s calf a gentle squeeze, passing on the end of the story to her. “Tears in her eyes, Lena ran to Raine and fell to her knees, holding the Princess close to her and kissed her forehead. ‘You fool! Why did you jump?’ She asked, tears falling. ‘Because I knew you would find me.’ The Princess replied, brushing away Lena’s fair hair. ‘I’ll find you, Princess.’ Lena promised.” Historia smiled softly at her wife, who got a small smile in return. “The castle guards ran across the grassy knoll above them, sure that the princess and the knight had fallen to their deaths. With news of his daughter’s suicide, the King called back his guards. Lena the Knight and Princess Raine escaped, and found a place in which they created their own little kingdom, and they lived happily ever after.”

Runa sighed wistfully, and Christa let out a quiet snore, having fallen asleep. “Momma, why was the knight crying?” She asked, settling into Ymir’s lap and pulling the blanket closer. “I thought knights and warriors were supposed to be strong.”

Petting her daughter’s hair, Ymir chuckled and shook her head. “Your mom cries all the time on missions, and she’s still a soldier.” Historia scrunched her face and twitched her foot to kick Ymir. “You do, though!” Runa laughed at her parent’s interactions, laying her head back on her father’s shoulder.

“I do, Runa, and it’s because I am scared.” Historia admitted, letting her gaze fall upon Christa’s sleeping figure. “But I have you and Christa and Papa to keep me strong. Just because someone cries doesn’t mean they’re weak. Lena was crying because she was afraid she had lost her reason to be strong.”

Satisfied with her answer, she glanced back and forth between her parents. “Can we just sleep here tonight? I don’t wanna go anywhere.” She pouted, waiting for an answer. The blonde shrugged, “I’m not going to risk waking Cissy. She’ll never go back to sleep. I don’t have a problem with it if Papa doesn’t.” In all reality, she didn’t want to be out of arm’s reach of any of her family at the moment. With the expedition looming at dawn, the closer everyone was, the better.

Sensing her wife’s insecurity, Ymir nodded. “Alright, squirt. Get comfortable.” She mumbled, removing the young girl from her lap to lie beside her mother and Ymir on the other side of Runa. With the warmth of the fire and the small family, the rest of the family quickly followed Christa’s suit, sleeping in a pile of arms and legs.

\--------

“Christa! They’re raising the gates!” Runa yelled, climbing the pile of crates to get a better vantage point. It had been a few days since they saw their parents off, and both children had waited patiently waiting for their return. While Miss Hanna was great, she wasn’t their mother and father.

The younger Reiss struggled to follow her sister, using her foot to pull herself up. “Ru, it’s not nice to run off like that.” She whined, bouncing up on her tip toes to see the legion members as they came in. “I’m going to be one of them someday! I’ma follow in Papa’s footsteps!” She beamed, not noticing the look of pain on the adult’s faces. Runa shook her head, “I’m gonna be a medic so I can help those who survive outside the walls…” She said, spotting the hair of her mother. “Momma! Momma!”

Historia glanced over at the sound of her daughter’s cries, trying to hide the tears falling from her eyes. She waved weakly, raising a finger to let the girls know she had to finish her walk. So much had gone wrong; no one was ready for the bloodshed that had ensued. Right now, her main concern was finding Ymir—given that she had survived. They had been separated from the moment they left the walls.

The blonde waited patiently at the circle, her eyes searching for familiar faces. Person after person filed within the area, but none that she needed to see. The longer she waited, the more her anxiety grew. Ymir would show up. She had to… Ymir couldn’t just die out there… Not without her. The last of the riders arrived, following behind them the carts with the bodies of the fallen that they could tote back.

No… “NO!” She screamed. Forget a soldier’s mask, her eyes searching for traces of steam that would signal her wife’s body. A puff marked her place, sending Historia in a panic as she raced over to the cart. “Ymir?” She yelled, pulling the sheet off the bodies, finding Ymir almost entirely in one piece, given her missing legs from the knee down.

A groan answered her screams, amber eyes opening slightly. “Stop yellin’, His’.” Ymir groaned, feeling the weight of Historia fall upon her middle as the girl broken down completely. “I-I—I thought y-you…” The blonde sobbed, gripping the bloody material of Ymir’s military uniform. Ymir smirked slightly, weakly raising her hand to rest it on Historia’s before she passed out again.

It took a while, but eventually Ymir was taken into one of the infirmary rooms while her legs regenerated, leaving Historia to tend to her as she needed. The blonde waited patiently by her side, her head resting on her arms as she rested on the edge of the bed. Historia had made her rounds, making sure the rest of their friends had survived prior and asked Hanna to bring the children in later. Opening her eyes, the blonde got up from her seat and pressed a gentle kiss to Ymir’s forehead. “You idiot.” She mumbled, not meaning a word of it.

Unaware, Runa and Christa peeked between the door and the wall, both young girls beaming from ear to ear. While in their world, loss and death was common, they lived in their own fairy tale, complete with the fair haired knight, the dark haired princess, and the kingdom in which they ruled.

\--------

“Cissy! Come on! I wanna play,” Runa called out, watching as her younger sister wandered across the shoreline of the creek near their home looking for smooth stones. “You always wanna play, Ru!” The girl replied, planting her hands on her little hips. “But I wanna pretend to be Lena and Raine! Please?” Runa begged, rolling herself down the hill on her side, watching as the world spun around.

Christa pouted slightly, knowing she was going to end up playing Raine again because Runa liked to be Lena. “Fine. But I get to be queen of the kingdom.” She laughed, pouncing on her big sister who cheered in victory. “Yes! Okay, you go up there—“ She pointed to the small piece of land that jutted out over the creek, “-- And I’ll stay down here to battle the ogre!” Runa planned, pushing her sister off of her so she could pick up a stick she could use for her sword.

“Back, foul beast, fore I, Knight Lena, shall slay you dead!” She proclaimed, immediately in character for their reenactment. Christa howled in laughter, tripping over a stone, “Hey, Knight Lena, your sword is backwards!”

“Shut up, Cissy! I know how to hold a sword!”

Getting back up to her feet, the younger Reiss took her place at the ‘tower’ and tipped her head as she judged the distance down to the ground. It wasn’t that bad. She had jumped off taller crates to get to her Papa’s back. Then again, her mother always did yell at her for jumping off high things. The overdramatic sounds of Runa’s ogre slaying jerked Christa back to reality.

Standing with her back to the edge, Christa pretended to be surrounded by tall guards, each taking a step toward her every second. “You can’t keep me from living my own life!” She yelled, taking a half-step back toward the edge, glancing back down, then to the side to find where Runa was standing.

 _Here we go_ , She thought, taking another look at the ‘guards’ before she launched herself backward and off the cliff like Princess Raine did. 

Runa cheered as Christa leapt off the cliff, masking a tell-tale sickening snap. “Oh, no!” She said with a dramatic lilt, running around in circles as if coming down from the opposite tower. Runa weaved between ‘guards,’ sure that she was as quick as lightning. “My princess!” She cried out, trying to keep from giggling as she finally directed herself toward Christa’s seemingly lifeless body lying amongst the rocks and water on the shore.

As the child neared her sister, Runa could see a faint red tint to the water, mixing in to turn the water near Christa a light pink. The same color seeped into her shirt. Another step, amber eyes caught the unnatural angle of Christa’s neck. “C-Cissy?” Runa uttered out, her body seizing up in fear. “Cissy, this isn’t funny…” She said again, attempting the same conviction she heard in her mother’s voice when they did something bad.

There was no movement in Christa’s chest—no breath leaving her parted lips, but still her eyes darted around wildly, searching for something, anything. “Christa!” Runa cried out, tears quick to fill her vision as Christa’s eyes stopped completely. “Christa, no!” She screamed, grabbing her sister from the water and picking her up to shake her.

“Wake up! Wake up, Cissy!” Her young mind couldn’t grasp the concept, yet she knew there was no chance her sister would come back. “Mommy! Papa!” She shrieked, her voice cracking as she dropped her sister, racing back to her home. “Someone! Please help my sister! She’s not breathing! She won’t move!” She cried, tripping on her own two feet while the other’s ran toward the shore.

The fairy tale ended slowly, over a period of days, and the dark reality of loss had entered the poor little child’s mind. “Mommy… Papa…” She whimpered as Christa’s body was lowered into the ground, covered in beautiful white lilies. She couldn’t see her mother’s tears, but she could hear her sobs, accompanied by her papa’s. Their kingdom lost their princess and the knight had no one left to protect. Her reason for being strong was gone…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Her Love is My Religion;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's an old prompt from Yumikuri Week 2014. The prompt was freckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since I updated! Leave a review to let me know how I'm doing :D

She never understood how Ymir could just… crash like she did. The moment her head hit the pillow she was out for the count, with her arms wrapped tight around the blonde to keep her safe and by her side. It was a place that she loved being and Historia had no problem being the taller girl's body pillow.

Except on nights like this, when sleep taunted her, out of her grasp. Insomnia lingered around, keeping Historia's sleepy eyes open for longer than she liked.

At least the moon was out and kept the room lit enough to keep Historia entertained with creating hand shadows on the wall… and perfectly outline the nearly naked sleeping form of her girlfriend at her side. Dropping her hands back down to her side, Historia watched the steady rise and fall of Ymir's back in the moonlight.

She wanted nothing more than to curl herself into the crook of Ymir's shoulder and pass out, happily stealing the warmth of her lover.

Curiously, the blonde rolled to her side, waiting to see if the other girl would stir in her sleep. Not even a hitch in her breathing. Good.

A tentative had reached out, lightly tracing the lines of taunt muscle and sinew, eyes glued to the movement of her fingers against the freckle spattered skin that she adored.

Smiling to herself, Historia leaned on her elbow to prop herself up, biting her lip.

It must have been the lack of sleep leading her to think that it was a good idea to start counting the freckles in the middle of the night, but when she couldn't sleep, what else was there to do? Counting freckles more favored than counting sheep. And the smooth warmth of her girlfriend was just so inviting.

Giggling quietly, Historia leaned forward and pressed herself into Ymir's back, her lips lightly brushing over a small cluster of dark freckles near the back of her neck, making sure that each dot got equal affection.

A soft groan escaped Ymir's throat, rousing the brunette from her slumber to the feeling of lips against her shoulder. She wasn't going to turn down being showered in affection by the blonde. "Mm, what are y'doin'?" Ymir slurred out, keeping her eyes closed as the warm set of lips dipped lower on her spine.

"Kissing and counting your freckles…" Historia replied between kisses, smoothing the palm of her hand down the middle of Ymir's back, nuzzling against the girl's shoulder. "So far I'm up to twenty seven in this small section." She giggled, burrowing into the crook of Ymir's neck and attacked her ear, earning a moan from her drowsy lover.

"Stop, His. I'll never get back to sleep with you doin' that."

"Then pay attention to me," Historia smiled, waiting for Ymir to do something.

Sighing, Ymir rolled over to her side and threw her arm around the blonde, pulling her flush against her. "Sleep, His. I'll fuck you senseless tomorrow morning." She murmured, nuzzling into the soft blonde hair she loved.

"Meanie." Historia pouted for a second before cuddling down, and nearly falling asleep the moment her head found it's spot beneath Ymir's and started to snore softly.


	4. I Don't Know;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A request to do a drabble based off of I Don't Know by a band I've forgotten. I wish that was ironic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I wrote this for you, please tell me what it was! It ended up being a modern college AU.

The caffeine was already buzzing through her veins, improving the mood of the mild-tempered blonde perched upon the high stool. Her pre-late night class coffee was the only thing that was going to get her through her professor's droning voice. Now, if only she could get her mind to focus long enough to actually read the paragraph before her, that would have been lovely.

A bell jingled above the coffee house door, alerting the staff to a new customer to serve. Already getting nothing done, Historia's deep blue eyes wandered off the page to glance at the new person. She was tall and her hair seemed almost unkempt, in a cute 'just rolled out of bed' type of way. Something in Historia's mind wondered if she was as well built as her collarbones suggested.

Miss Messy Hair turned her head as she ordered, catching the blonde woman staring. The smirk she gave made her heart skip a beat and her cheeks flush bright red beneath the florescent lights. Using her hand, Historia covered her eyes and bit her lip, trying to hold back a smile. Freckles. Also very cute. And that smirk!

"Ymir?" The voice behind the counter called out, catching the blonde's attention. Ymir? What a name. She thought, letting her hand drop back down. Now that she had been caught staring, was it appropriate to look up again?

The sound of a chair being pulled out from a table pulled her back to reality again. Her eyes flickered before her, catching the warm-honey color of Ymir's gaze just the next table over. Quietly, Historia wondered just how pretty they were up close because they were dazzling from where she was privy. Smiling sweetly, Historia tried to busy herself with her coffee, taking a big gulp.

Distracting her mind, Historia went back to reading, but never got farther than the first sentence before another question wandered in her mind. What did she study? Was she single? How many other girls had been lured in by that smirk?

"Ahem."

Historia's gaze shot back up again, looking like a deer in the headlights. Ymir's shoulders shook with silent laughter, hidden behind her hand holding her coffee. Using her other hand, she pointed to Historia's text book. Keeping up with the silent conversation, she lifted the front cover of her book, revealing 'Norse History and Mythology.' Ymir nodded, seemingly impressed. Returning the gesture, Ymir lifted her rather thick text to reveal 'Gothic Architecture in a Modern World.'

Architecture major… Nice. Historia thought, a thousand other questions begging to be asked. Gathering her materials, the blonde moved to Ymir's table, "Your name is beautiful—Tied to my field of study, actually…" Historia blurted, watching as Ymir perked an eyebrow at her introduction.

"Oh? Then why don't you take the time to study me instead?" She smirked, making the blonde laugh.

There was so much she didn't know about this woman, but Historia would make time to learn it all if she could.


	5. Lovecats;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song request: Lovecats by The Cure  
> Verse: Lights and Sounds (performing arts AU). The thread for Lights and Sounds (the original) can be found on my tumblr page, findingmyownhonor . tumblr . com

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who reads this, I want to give a very big warning. The following contains suicide, overdosing, cutting, depression, deprecating thoughts, drugs, a slight mention of sex, and a few other triggers. I love my readers very much and I would hate for anyone to get hurt because of my need to hurt my partner (with his request, of course.).

I hadn't seen her smile so bright in a long time. It made the weeks of planning worth it to me. Though I never told Ymir, I sank almost everything I had saved in the past year for this date. It wasn't like she noticed the chunk of money missing from our account. I dealt with the finances of our apartment and bills, so she never had any reason.

When she took my hand, I swore it tonight wouldn't have ended this way. She was the same Ymir I fell for long ago. She was animated, and passionate. Ymir was there, in physical and mental form. We talked, and we laughed. We traced our route the long way around, by foot, to keep from going home—to avoid the inevitable end to our perfect night.

Her lips met mine as we fell into the bed, one last night spent in a tangle of perfect arms and legs, moans and laughter. She curled up next to me, and I to her, sharing warmth that hadn't existed since we began to live here. I laid next to her for hours, counting every freckle and tracing every perfect line of her face, committing them to memory for the millionth time in our relationship.

My lips brushed against her forehead, down her nose, and with one last soft kiss to her lips, I slipped silently from her arms and into the bathroom.

Reaching into the cabinet, I pulled out her pain pills and tapped a few into my palm. At only ninety pounds, it should only take six or seven pills to do me in, right? I dry swallowed three, saving the rest for when I finished my other jobs. I drew myself a bath, pulling my hair up atop my head in a bun to keep it from getting wet.

Quietly, I slipped into the bath and lathered up my legs, slowly shaving to make sure my work was clean. After all, no one wanted to see an ugly, hairy girl. It was funny, how these razors advertised being so safe when it was just too easy to dislodge the thin razor blade from its slot. Glancing to the side of the tub, I grabbed the rest of the pills and downed them one by one to make sure they didn't come back up.

The numb sensation from the pills quickly spread, making it easier to slide the blade across my wrist, watching as the bathwater turned a pale pink around me. I could have sworn this would have hurt so much more…

I continue to follow the blood as it swirls in to clear water, feeling my eyes grow heavier, yet I can see myself. I look peaceful. I had this planned out for so long. I was holding Ymir back from her dreams, and only making a fool out of myself for trying to achieve mine. I laugh quietly, feeling the tears run down my face. I hope that I gave Ymir one hell of a date, and that she won't hate me forever. Slowly, I come to realize I should have left a note for her, to let her know I loved her—but I know that she knows I love her with every piece of me. In this life, and after.

My body begins to take form in the air above me, then sits at my side. And all of a sudden, my vision only takes place from above.

I watch Ymir over the next few days, as she discovers my body, and the funeral services. I watch as she cries in private, but only after she's come down from her high—which is a rare occurrence now. She's graduated to higher doses, and I'm scared she might do something stupid.

And one night, nearly a month later, she does.

I watch in silent horror as she shoots up too much, and her body starts to convulse on the floor, her amber gaze rolling into the back of her head painfully. I cry out as I see her life drain away, screaming in vain for someone to help her.

As I fall to my knees by her side, I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's warm, and familiar, as is the light that comes from it. "How did I know I would find you here, His'?" I hear, and I smile, bigger than I ever had in my life, or death it seems. "Don't worry. No one will miss people as dumb as us. Come on, I hear someone calling our names."

For once, I follow into something I've never been able to see. My Heaven was always with Ymir. A world without her was my Hell. Why would my afterlife be any different?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever feel like you might be contemplating suicide, please, reach out to someone, anyone. There are helplines and services to help you through everything. I guarantee that your life will get better even if you can't see it now.


	6. Trust Me;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Verse: Lights and Sounds (performing arts AU). The thread for Lights and Sounds (the original) can be found on my tumblr page, findingmyownhonor . tumblr . com
> 
> Historia wants to have a fun date with aerial silks and Ymir. As much as she wishes it was something kinky, what Historia finds out is more painful than a whip to the skin.

They laid in silence; the music that had once filled the room had long since ended. Their shallow breathing was the only thing that could be heard as they watched the loops of silk dance above them, echoes of their movements.

Ymir stared at the opposite wall, wishing the fall from the aerial silks had just killed her rather than facing the upset look in her lover's eyes when she didn't grab her hands.

Historia kept her head forward, letting the red fabric lull her into a trance, simply biding her time until she found the words that hung in the air to address the question that stabbed at her heart.

She had convinced the brunette to climb into one of the silks, despite being afraid of falling, to simply show her how much fun it could be. Historia wrapped herself up, letting herself fall and twirl in front of her eyes while Ymir swung to and fro, giving out a few gasps when Historia looked like she was going to fall the twenty feet down into the nets rather than the silks tightening around her.

It had been a perfect date as far as the blonde was concerned. The only thing she wanted to do was to catch Ymir as she swung toward her. Wrapping her legs snuggly into the silk, Historia let herself fall a few feet and tucked herself carefully into the bend, smiling at her girlfriend. "Trust me, I'll catch you."

Reaching for Ymir's hands the moment she decided to jump, Historia watched as Ymir's face changed from one of confidence to that of fear— Of falling? Of trusting someone?

No, Ymir's control had been too good when she decided to leave from the silks and plummet down. She wanted to fall and not be caught.

Ymir didn't trust Historia.

And that hurt more than it should have.

Checking to see where Ymir had landed, the blonde twirled her legs out of the silk to let herself fall without looking down, knowing she would land in the safety of the net, but didn't bother to sit up or look at the brunette who refused to look at her, or even acknowledge her existence.

Historia let out a slow breath, reaching for Ymir's hand once more, only for it to be pulled out of her grip. "… You know I wouldn't have just let you fall." She said, trying to keep the pain out of her voice.

"Pfft, with those skinny little arms? You couldn't have caught me." Ymir replied, crossing her arms across her chest. It was bullshit. They both knew it. Historia could hold up her dance partner, who weighed at least twenty pounds more than the songstress laying in the net with her.

Did she really have that little trust in the blonde? The one who kept every secret Ymir dared to tell her, despite the paparazzi howling her to let something slip. Ymir knew Historia would take every secret to the grave before giving them up but… the idea of trust was just something she couldn't do.

Historia sat up, her forehead furrowed in concern. "Ymir, would you look at me?"

Ymir kept her head turned, giving a non-committal noise of acknowledgement to the question. "What?"

"I want you to look at me."

"Yeah, and I want you to drop the subject but I know it isn't going to happen." Ymir snapped, wincing a fraction at the harshness of her voice.

Opening her mouth to speak, the words refused to leave Historia's mouth. "… Fine. I'll just leave you alone then." She trailed off, forcing the burning in her throat to calm. She would be damned if she would let Ymir make her cry over something that wasn't her fault in the first place.

Rolling off the side of the net, Historia fell to the ground gracefully and went to the speakers and her laptop to start shutting down the equipment.

Sighing heavily, Ymir didn't have to look at Historia to know that she had been hurt by her attitude. But what was the big deal about just falling? It wasn't like she had kicked her in the face on the way down. Flipping over to her stomach to watch the blonde walk around, she knew that she would have to apologize, and it just wasn't something she wanted to do.

But there wasn't much of a choice.

Moving to the edge of the net, Ymir swung herself down and padded over to the blonde quietly, wrapping her arms around the waist of her petite dancer. "I'm sorry."

"No you aren't. You're saying it so you can still get laid at the end of the night." Historia replied, refusing to look up from her laptop screen, or even to the wall mirror in front of them.

Scowling, the brunette let her go and gave a growl of frustration. "What is your deal? So I didn't let you catch me! Big fucking deal! Get the fuck over it."

Historia continued to click, shutting down her laptop. For a moment, Ymir wondered just how badly she did screw up. The blonde normally put up a fight when it came to stuff like this. Had she even heard her?

"My deal is that I asked you to trust me for once. Trust me like I trust you every time you leave." She finally replied, looking up at the mirror to catch Ymir's heated gaze.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Ymir asked.

"It means that I trust you to not sleep with some girl every night when you leave. That I trust you when you say you love me. That I trust you when you say that you'll be back to see me because I can't leave this school. I just wanted a small bit of trust to be reciprocated for once." Historia's stare didn't waver, neither did her voice. "But you don't trust me. You acted like if you fell, I wouldn't have fallen with you."

A light clicked on inside of Ymir's head, making her mouth fall into a slight 'oh'. Now she understood what Historia meant. Fuck.

"You act like I really have a choice when it comes down to it, His. It's not like I planned to fall for some dance student who's more addicted to her work than she is anything else." Ymir rubbed at the back of her neck, taking another step forward to put her warm hand against the smaller girl's back. "I do trust you. Hell, I wouldn't have done half the shit I've done if I didn't."

Historia finally turned around and looked at Ymir face to face. "I just wanted to show you that I wouldn't let you get hurt. When you decided to just fall, it hurt, alright?" She admitted, wrapping her arms around Ymir's ribs to hug her.

Peace at least somewhat restored, Ymir kissed the top of her head and picked up the laptop with her other hand. "Look, one day, I'll prove I trust you. Just not today. And not thirty feet off the ground. Maybe after I survive meeting your parents or something."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, it's been a while since I've updated and I am so sorry. It's been a bad few months here inspiration wise and the ability to actually do something. So... two updates in a day? :D


	7. Kiss With A Fist;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the great reviews and letting me know what you like and don't like both on here, FFN, and my tumblr. I've been thinking about posting drabbles from other AU's of ours like our Drogo/Dany (Game of Thrones) AU, Andante (haunted circus) AU, and even our Youtube AU. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> For this drabble, it's just a small time jump. Runa is about seven years old, Christa is six, and Amir is about a year and a half. The other new comer, Arek, is the child of Eren and Mikasa. He's the same age as Christa, so keep that in mind. This won't be the last time you see him either.

Christa's amber eyes glittered in the light of the mirror, examining the work her mother had put into the makeup that lightly dusted her face. Tonight was the night of the fall festival, the night that both little girls in the bathroom had been waiting for all year! Hayrides, pumpkin picking, even a band playing! Every kid in the city would be there.

"Momma, why do girls wear makeup?" Christa asked with a childlike curiosity, turning back to look at the blonde.

With a steady hand, Historia swept a pale pink lip tint across her older sister, Runa's, lips then picked her up to let her sit on the counter and see herself in the mirror. "Hm, I've never given it much thought," She placed the tint back in a basket. "I suppose girls wear makeup to remind us that we're allowed to feel pretty if we want to." Historia finally answered, helping both her daughters from the basin and kneeling down. "But neither of you need to wear makeup. You've both got Papa's amazing features and what you've got on is the only makeup you'll ever need."

Working her skilled fingers over both of them, she fixed Runa's stubborn curl—only for the girl to put it back in her face—and straighten out the skirt of her dress. "Alright, you're ready. Don't go playing in dirt, Ru." Historia warned, looking at Runa directly. The dark haired child rolled her eyes, skipping out of the room to find her Papa and baby brother.

Pouting, the middle child looked up at her mother through her dark lashes.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Historia asked, tilting her head. "Do you not like the outfit you picked?" Christa shook her head, huffing a bit. She liked her outfit! It matched her Papa's shirt and pants, so she had to look cool. "What if Arek teases me for wearing makeup? He says makeup is for girly girls, and I'm not girly!" Christa stomped her foot, a soft blush crossing her cheeks.

Withholding her laughter, the mother knew all too well that reaction. It wasn't the first time Christa had mentioned the other boy. To be young and oblivious to love. "Oh, I understand." She said with a knowing smile, brushing Christa's hair out of her face. "You know your Papa used to tease me about wearing it too?" The small child shook her head, waving her mother's hand away. "Do you want to know what I did that got her to stop?" Christa waited on baited breath, eyes wide as if learning a secret.

"I kissed her. I got my makeup all over her face and she never did it again." Historia poked Christa's little nose, glancing up at the towering figure in the door way with a small smirk.

Ymir gave her wife an unamused stare, subconsciously wiping at a spot on her cheek as the other arm held Amir securely. "I swear she used ink or something because I had to scrub my cheek for a good hour before it even started coming off—Wait, what are we talking about?"

Popping up behind Ymir, Runa leaned into her leg like the parent was on the door way. "Cissy thinks that Arek is going to tease her for being girly!" She giggled, earning a pointed glare from Christa.

"Nuh-uh, Runa! I can do anything he can and do it better. I can be a better boy than he can!" The younger girl stuck out her tongue to her older sister before chasing after her.

Proudly smirking, Ymir adjusted a fidgeting Amir in her arms. "That'a girl, Christa. He makes fun of you, punch 'im."

Jaw slack, Historia swatted the leg closest to her before standing up and taking their son from Ymir. "Don't encourage her to punch people! You know she takes everything you say to heart." She chastised quietly, feeling the now free arms coming around her and planting a kiss to her temple.

"Yeah, but I didn't take you seriously until you threw that weak first headbutt." The brunette grinned, giving Historia's hips a squeeze. "Besides, that Jaeger kid needs to be put in his place. No one picks on my kids and gets away with it."

 

* * *

 

In such a small town, it was a perk to be able to let the kids run as they wanted without fear of something happening. Ymir and Historia took Amir around, letting the quiet toddler take in the new experiences while Runa and Christa ran around with their friends and made the best of their night.

Well, up until a very displeased Eren and Mikasa appeared with their children in tow on one side, and Arek on the other. A small cut across Christa's lower lip and a slowly swelling lump on Arek's cheek told the entire story without a word. Historia, though keeping a pleasant appearance, was planning a long lecture for both Christa and Ymir when they got home.

"I'm very sorry, guys! I'll make sure to talk to her about this when we get home tonight. Ymir and I will pay for any damage that has been caused." She took Christa's hand, Runa having already found a hiding place behind Ymir's legs.

Taking their leave for the night, Historia stared at Ymir for giving their daughter the idea to punch their long time friend's son rather than talk it out.

"Momma, wait!" A small voice came from her side, pulling free of her mother's hold. "Arek!"

Christa ran back toward Arek and his parents, tapping him on the shoulder. She waited until he turned around to kiss his bruised and red cheek and laugh at the surprised look on his face—along with the bright pink lip mark she had left on his blushing cheek before running back to an equally surprised looking Papa and Momma. "Okay! All better! I did both so he should never tease me again, right?" She said in a bright manor, taking off with Runa back toward the house and leaving both parents speechless for a few seconds.

"Did she just—"

"Yep. Do you think—"

"If she likes that little punk, I'm going to ground her from dating until she's sixty rather than thirty."

"Ymir, that's no—"

"Nope. Not dating. Any of them. We need a tower and a really good lock!" Ymir mumbled, setting off after the kids. "Nope. Not dating. None of our kids are ever dating. We need a tower and a really good lock!" Ymir announced, setting off after the kids, leaving an exhausted Historia and a very confused Amir in their wake.

" _Muck_." Amir uttered, baiting a nod from his mother.

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly…"

**Author's Note:**

> The song, if you're wondering, is 'Lullaby of a Stormy Night' by Vienna Teng.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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